Recently I have had kind of a bit of a rough time. We are two month in to 2018 and this year has been a challenge. I think, to sum up the year in one word so far would be balance. I have been learning to have balance at work, my personal life, my emotions, and basically everything else you could have to learn to balance.
Unfortunately, finding balance isn’t easy. But the lack of balance is even harder.
My process in searching for balance has looked a lot like me learning where I end and where my surroundings begin. My surroundings have been raging. There have been a dozen different things in my surroundings that have begged for my attention. The bummer thing is that I have given my attention, time, and energy to my surroundings. And, when I list out the things that have taken my attention externally, I understand why I have done what I’ve done. My friends, family, work, and adulting responsibilities are valid things to give my time to. But I think my problem is that I have given the best of my attention, time, and energy to these things and have given myself the left overs of my attention, time, and energy. THAT is my problem.
In January, I was really struggling with overthinking. I needed balance between the things I loved and my responsibilities. I was really caught up in my performance as opposed to celebrating who I was. I was searching for places and moments of failure. I was always looking for my boss, friends, and boyfriend to be disappointed in me. It sucked. And I felt consumed by the emotion of it all. I was crying often and became consumed with fear. But then I finally got my head out of the ground and realized that there was sunshine in the sky. I had forgotten the necessary balance needed between my innate value and my desire to grow. It took me way too long to remember that I am worthy, simply because I Am. I had forgotten that it isn’t about performance or what I can accomplish, but it is about enjoying my life and celebrating my growth. But I also had to remember to respect and honor everyone else’s responsibility to communicate with me if there was a problem. The only thing I can do is be the best version of my self– which includes asking questions for more clarity, being honest and vulnerable with my feelings and fears, and, lastly, allowing myself space to blossom to my full capacity.
And then came February and I really began to recognize the amount of distractions surrounding me. I watched myself get caught up with these nonsense things. I saw myself go from activity to activity and they all required me to pour out. I was pouring out my time and energy and I would return home with nothing left to give to my own heart. I had lost the balance of getting filled up and pouring out. I had lost my balance of valuing myself. I felt disconnected from myself and I felt a bit numb. But I realized what I was doing. I realized that my heart had not been given the time to express or breathe.
So where is balance and how do I find it?
One of the biggest keys is giving the best of my time and attention to the things that should have my best. For me, that means taking time to sit and connect with my heart and connect with The Lord. Then– my close relationships should get my time. And then comes all my other responsibilities. It is too common to give your best time and your best amounts of attention to work, yet work isn’t the most important thing that we have in our lives.
I think another thing that is super important is writing out your priorities. For me, this looked like writing out that my priority was to be the best version of myself and to strive for growth but not be consumed by it. It, also, looked like me writing out which relationships are most positive towards my heart and well being. In my moments of lack, I prioritize the relationships that fill me up.
Lastly, as weird as it might seem, I allowed my heart space to breathe. I verbalized (yes, out loud) that my heart was free to feel, free to need, and free to speak. I gave my heart space to be true to itself–which is actually allowing true Maranda to have space.
Doing these three things really helped me to find my balance (or at least move towards balance). It is allowing me space and time
Have you been feeling meh? What has 2018 been like for you so far? I would love to hear in the comments below! Thanks for reading!
PS: What are your thoughts on the new design?! Let me know!