Hitting the Target of Self Love

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Yesterday I had a couple hours of unexpected free time. So I want to Target (classic). I have an upcoming wedding to go to and need an outfit to wear. I raided their women’s clothing section on the hunt for an outfit.

With a pile of clothes in my hands, I went into the dressing room.

I don’t know if anyone else experiences this, but I basically hate dressing rooms. It seems that the lighting within the dressing rooms always accentuate my “flaws.” My cellulite is always louder and prouder than any other time. I seem to always discover new curves and rolls. Also, dressing rooms can be fairly discouraging when nothing ends up working out.

When I entered the dressing room there was absolutely no one in sight. I thought to myself about how pleasant this experience was going to be…just a girl surrounded by some cute clothes. (Positive self-talk for the win!)

About half way through my stack of clothes, with nothing fitting right, two girls entered the dressing room. As they walked in, I heard them critique their bodies.

“At least things fit you. Nothing fits me,” one said.

While the other went, “Not really! I don’t have a butt. Things don’t look right”

As they went on their negative rants…I froze in my own little room. My heart broke hearing their self-criticisms. It stopped me in my tracks because I was having those same thoughts about myself.

I wanted to tell the girls that regardless of what their body looked like, they deserve love.

Regardless of what my body looks like, I deserve love.

Regardless of what your body looks like, you deserve love.

It was a really sad experience. But it was eye opening. I guess it reminded me that we are all a work in progress. We all have things to work on. We all have criticism towards ourselves. But my goal is to change that. I don’t want to have any negativity towards myself. I don’t want you to have any negativity towards yourself.

Recently, I have wanted to develop my fashion more. I have been feeling this urge to take bigger risks in my attire and this whole experience pushed me to do that. (Please appreciate this selfie of me in the Target dressing room wearing my oversized Steve from  Blue’s Clues sweater)

Does it really matter if I have a butt? Or that none of the dresses I tried on at Target seemed to fit right? Does it really matter that I have rolls or cellulite? Does it really matter if my outfit is trendy?

Ultimately, it doesn’t.

I want to live bold and fearless, which includes in my style and loving my body just the way it is.

Let me know your favorite part of your body down in the comments!!

XO,

M

Daphne

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Introducing my newest little member of my family…

Daphne.

Daphne is a miniture pinscher and chihuahua mix. She weighs somewhere between 8-12 pounds. She is 10 years old and the sweetest little woman. She barely barks, gets along with everyone, sleeps like a teenager, and loves to snuggle.

I adopted her from the most precious rescue down in San Francisco, called Muttville. It is a senior dog rescue (meaning they only recuse dogs 7 years and older). They are the friendliest people. The process of adopting her wasn’t that fast of an experience. It required a lot of thought and research. I grew up with animals and so I knew the commitment and effort that they require. I did not make the decision to take on that responsibility lightly.

Eventually I began to feel stressed about it all and I felt like the Lord told me that He had “the perfect one for me.” I chose to trust Him and that same day, this dog seemed to fall into my lap. She was uploaded to Muttville’s website. Her breed, size, and gender were all things that I really wanted. And, that tongue was officially what sold me. There were so many other parts of this adoption that made it perfect. Everything seemed to confirm that this precious girl was meant to be mine.

After receiving her, I felt like The Lord has told me that she is going to teach me many things.

Well, let me tell you…He did not lie! I have had her for a total of five days and I have already been stretched so much. It hasn’t been the multiple walks a day or the other required responsibilities. The thing that has been so stretching is it has required patience for myself.

As soon as I got her I felt so much pressure to feel a certain way about Daphne. I felt like I had to love her completely instantaneously. And if I am being completely honest, that has taken time. This whole process has brought up a lot of fear, too. What if I can’t do this? What if she dies? Is she throwing up? Is she about to pee? What if she runs away? Is this food okay? Is she happy? I’ve been so afraid. And all of that fear has kept love at a distance. As I began to realize that I was fixed on the fear, not on the love, I have gotten some clarity:

this is just taking me time.

I need time to get used to being a dog owner. I need time to get used to Daphne’s personality. I need time to learn our new routine. I need time. But, yet, I have just been adding more and more pressure. (disclaimer: on day 5, I am head over heels for Daphne. But all this fear has made it all difficult)

Yesterday I was talking to a friend. He proceeded to quote 1 Corinthians 13 saying that “love is patient, love is kind…” and as soon as he said that I realized that I have needed new levels of patience for myself in this whole dog process. I have needed to give myself the time and grace required to fall in love with this new friend. I have needed to be allowed to take time and I have needed to give my grace when the fears come up, or when I spend money on food she doesn’t like, or when I go to work.

I am growing. I am learning. I deserve patience.

So, I have begun the process of changing my perspective and incorporating a new aspect of self love: patience. This process begins by simply keeping this new truth at the front of my mind: I deserve to have patience with myself. I keep thinking about that concept and I keep repeating the truth. The next step is to actively act on this new truth. I must have patience with myself.

How do you have patience with yourself? Give ya girl some tips below! PS: make sure you’re subscribing to my blog! (on the right hand side) By subscribing, all new blog posts will be sent directly to your email!

Sending you all the love…

XO,

M