Hey blog world. Long time no see. In fact, over a year since I last posted on here. The last year has been the busiest year of my life. To name a few reasons why: I finished my bachelors degree, got married, and moved across the country. Looking back, I realized how challenging that all was. It took all of my time and consumed all of my thoughts. Unfortunately, that meant that writing had to take a back burner. If I am honest, though, writing stopped being easy for me before that.
In August 2018, I lost my job as an Administrative Assistant at a church that had rescued me. It was a bit of a mutual decision, and a bit not. During that time at the church, about 13 people stopped working there (again, some were mutual decisions and some were not). Everyone, employee, member, and anyone in-between was reeling from the changes that were at hand. More than that, a person at our church began to express themselves in new ways, which confronted a lot of people with their inner prejudice, judgement, strict opinions, and beliefs about God. The responses of members led to an outbreak of criticism for the church. I knew where I stood on my opinions of both the situations at hand, but I was not certain what posting those opinions online would do for my relationships or reputation. And that hindered what I felt like I could write.
I had always used this space, and my journal, as a place to help me filter through my thoughts and feelings. How was I supposed to do that when my thoughts and feelings directly pointed towards people in my life? How was I supposed to share what I was feeling as I navigated the icky feelings? I didn’t know. So, I let the fear stop me from my writing.
At the same time, I transferred to Humboldt State University to finish my bachelors degree in Sociology. Sociology is the study of society throughout the years and how it operates today. Honestly, it is not a subject for the weak hearted. Learning how society has written off different communities of people for years on end is a hard pill to swallow. My heart and mind became radically awakened by the atrocities of our country.
I know I didn’t go into clear details earlier about the problems within the church, I think that maybe one day I will. But the problems I was experiencing and watching happen within the church were actually perpetuating the atrocities I was learning in school. Which led me to feeling trapped inside the injustice and fearful of opening my voice publicly (or writing my words down into the internet abyss). I stopped writing, but I don’t want to remain done.
Now that I have covered why I stopped writing, I want to talk about why I am returning to writing. Someone I deeply trust told me recently that I am a writer. Instead of doubting them, I simply decided to believe with them. And if it is true that I am a writer, I believe it is my duty to write about the things that matter. Things that matter to me, society, and to Love.
Take this as your warning….
I can promise that my writings will not be perfect. I can promise that my writings will be educated, but that there is always more for me to learn and I can promise there will be plenty that I do not know. I can promise I will say things wrong and mess up. I can promise that I will talk about things that need to be talked about, even if you do not like the topic. I can promise I will try my hardest. I can promise I will lead with love, learn with love, and be corrected through love.
I am scared I will hurt people with my writings, by offending them, by upsetting them, by messing up. But, I feel it is my duty to bring light to the issues at hand, to give insight into what I am learning and feeling, and to spread education to all those that want to learn.
I want to talk about social issues, my own life lessons, and hopefully create a space of love and inspiration for anyone interested. Thank you for joining me on my journey.