Big Rona

Blog Post

Hi there. Before I get into anything, I wanted to address the massive elephant in our lives: COVID19. I send my deepest condolences to those that have experienced loss due to COVID19, my biggest vibes of health and healing to those battling COVID19, and my loudest cheer to those on the front lines helping the world beat this.

I am amazed that something like this has happened in our world. Watching the numbers increase dramatically is quite a bit mindblowing. We all are being impacted by the same, spooky thing. I hope that despite the devastation COVID19 has created, the world can unify together to fight it and come together as a collective human population to support one another. We are all in this together and there is a bit of beauty in that.

We can survive this. We must keep our heads up, our spirits higher, and our hope alive.

I think the answer to the fear that is running rampant is love. We need more love. I think in the midst of all of this we all need more love in our hearts, for ourselves, and for others. There is enough love to go around.

Since my time of isolation, I have been struggling with my value. I quickly realized I naturally associate my worth as a person to my productivity. And when that was no longer an option, since there is only so much that one can do in a small two bedroom apartment, I reverted back to my belief that my worth is connected to the shape and size of my body. I don’t know if anyone else has struggled with this, but I feel like while I have been in isolation my entire day is dictated by my next meal (it is truly the only schedule that I have in my day right now. LOL.) All of this made my mental space toxic and I realized my internal confidence was pivoting. This time in the world is weird and it is pushing us all to go through an emotional process. I fought to accept that, but I, too, realized I was being impacted emotionally.

The truth is, we all deserve love. We deserve love from every person in our lives. We deserve love from ourselves. We deserve all of the love, simply because we exist.

This concept is something that has been brewing within my mind for the entire month of march: are we, as people, inherently good or bad? Do our actions create our value? I listened to The Liturgists podcast. In the podcast, Dr. Hillary McBride brought up the concept that as a psychologist she believes people are inherently good. If people are inherently good, that makes me inherently good. If people are inherently good, that makes you inherently good.

What if we spent today (lets start small) believing that we were inherently good and we actively spent all day giving love to ourselves? Does a whole day feel overwhelming? (it does to me sometimes) What if for the next ten minutes? Close your eyes. quiet your mind. imagine that you are breathing love in and breathing love out. DO NOT question if you deserve the love. Just accept it.

Regardless of how you are feeling, you are worthy of all of the love (especially love from yourself).

I just want to end by reminding that we are all in this together. And that this whole experience is jarring, overwhelming, and it is okay that this process looks however it does for you. This is life changing for all. So, allow yourself pressure-free isolation. It is okay if you gain weight or lose weight. It is okay if you go on a daily walk or if you don’t. It is okay if you get things done around the house or if you only watch Tiger King. I just want to give you permission. The top priority is staying home and staying safe.

I am sending all of my love.