Peeing on My Life

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So last week I came home to find my precious dog covered in pee. I had crated her up (we are working on crate training) and she apparently had an accident. The pee was everywhere. She got excited when she saw me and began to jump around. As she jumped, she splashed the urine all around. She smelled horrible. There was pee all around her crate. I didn’t have any other option but to scoop her up (getting pee on myself), bathe her clean (getting myself covered in water), and clean up the mess.

It was a disaster.

The sweet girl didn’t mean to make a mess. She was doing the best that she could. Unfortunately, despite her attempts, she made a mess. A big one.

It got me thinking. How many areas in my life am I peeing all over? How many areas am I splashing my urine on? Am I covered in my own, self-inflicted punishment?

It made me think about how I overthink my abilities and stress myself out. I have a tendency to think myself into a rut of sorts.

This whole situation is a great example. When I found Daphne (the dog) had used the bathroom in the crate, I felt TERRIBLE. I felt so bad and felt like a failure of a dog mom. I kept focusing on how much of a failure I am. I thought myself into a rut of disappointment. I peed all over my dog-mom abilities. And was in that rut for days.

I, far too often, get wrapped up in my thoughts and my opinions of something that I miss the actual success of the situation. What a smelly reality.

Another area of my life I have peed upon is my eating habits. A couple months ago I was vegan (for about 5 or 6 months) and ever since I stopped, I haven’t been content with my eating. I have struggled to figure out a good rhythm to my eating. And because of my lack of rhythm, I have just continued to throw guilt upon myself for my eating. I have just been peeing on myself.

And there are definitely so many other areas that I have been peeing upon myself. I have been spoiling my own life.

Basically what I mean is ruining my own life because of my own expectation or what I think I should do.

What a terrible life to live being constantly squashed by your own expectation.

I hate that. I keep trying to measure up to this unrealistic, self-inflicted, standard that I can’t.

I need to just be.

This cycle can end.

Have you been peeing on your own life? Have you been ruining things despite your best efforts? Let me know in the comments below…we have to unite in these moments! (:

XO,

M

(PS: Photo cred to my girl Annika Botha. Check her out!)

Daphne

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Introducing my newest little member of my family…

Daphne.

Daphne is a miniture pinscher and chihuahua mix. She weighs somewhere between 8-12 pounds. She is 10 years old and the sweetest little woman. She barely barks, gets along with everyone, sleeps like a teenager, and loves to snuggle.

I adopted her from the most precious rescue down in San Francisco, called Muttville. It is a senior dog rescue (meaning they only recuse dogs 7 years and older). They are the friendliest people. The process of adopting her wasn’t that fast of an experience. It required a lot of thought and research. I grew up with animals and so I knew the commitment and effort that they require. I did not make the decision to take on that responsibility lightly.

Eventually I began to feel stressed about it all and I felt like the Lord told me that He had “the perfect one for me.” I chose to trust Him and that same day, this dog seemed to fall into my lap. She was uploaded to Muttville’s website. Her breed, size, and gender were all things that I really wanted. And, that tongue was officially what sold me. There were so many other parts of this adoption that made it perfect. Everything seemed to confirm that this precious girl was meant to be mine.

After receiving her, I felt like The Lord has told me that she is going to teach me many things.

Well, let me tell you…He did not lie! I have had her for a total of five days and I have already been stretched so much. It hasn’t been the multiple walks a day or the other required responsibilities. The thing that has been so stretching is it has required patience for myself.

As soon as I got her I felt so much pressure to feel a certain way about Daphne. I felt like I had to love her completely instantaneously. And if I am being completely honest, that has taken time. This whole process has brought up a lot of fear, too. What if I can’t do this? What if she dies? Is she throwing up? Is she about to pee? What if she runs away? Is this food okay? Is she happy? I’ve been so afraid. And all of that fear has kept love at a distance. As I began to realize that I was fixed on the fear, not on the love, I have gotten some clarity:

this is just taking me time.

I need time to get used to being a dog owner. I need time to get used to Daphne’s personality. I need time to learn our new routine. I need time. But, yet, I have just been adding more and more pressure. (disclaimer: on day 5, I am head over heels for Daphne. But all this fear has made it all difficult)

Yesterday I was talking to a friend. He proceeded to quote 1 Corinthians 13 saying that “love is patient, love is kind…” and as soon as he said that I realized that I have needed new levels of patience for myself in this whole dog process. I have needed to give myself the time and grace required to fall in love with this new friend. I have needed to be allowed to take time and I have needed to give my grace when the fears come up, or when I spend money on food she doesn’t like, or when I go to work.

I am growing. I am learning. I deserve patience.

So, I have begun the process of changing my perspective and incorporating a new aspect of self love: patience. This process begins by simply keeping this new truth at the front of my mind: I deserve to have patience with myself. I keep thinking about that concept and I keep repeating the truth. The next step is to actively act on this new truth. I must have patience with myself.

How do you have patience with yourself? Give ya girl some tips below! PS: make sure you’re subscribing to my blog! (on the right hand side) By subscribing, all new blog posts will be sent directly to your email!

Sending you all the love…

XO,

M